“I will not leave him, he is the love of my life.
“She is under a lot of pressure at work, she cannot help it.“He is only like that because he loves me so much - you would not understand.”.be reluctant or unwilling to take steps to leave the abusive situation or break the bondĪ person bonded with their abuser might say, for example:.become defensive or hostile if someone intervenes and attempts to stop the abuse, such as a bystander or police officer.argue with or distance themselves from people trying to help, such as friends, family members, or neighbors.agree with the abusive person’s reasons for treating them badly.The main sign that a person has bonded with an abuser is that they try to justify or defend the abuse. Remorseful behavior may also cause the abused person to feel grateful, particularly if they have become accustomed to poor treatment. The person experiencing the abuse may see suffering as a price to pay for kindness. This gives the abused person hope that their suffering will end and that they will one day receive the love or connection that the perpetrator has promised. Some may be especially kind or romantic to make up for their behavior. Some abusive relationships follow a pattern of abuse, then remorse.Īfter causing harm, an abusive person may promise to change. This allows the caregiver to continue being “good” in the child’s eyes, which reinforces their bond. The child may instead blame themselves for the abuse as a way of making sense of what is happening to them. Believing that this association is normal, the child may be unable to see the abusive caregiver as “bad.” If that caregiver is abusive, the child may come to associate love with abuse. DependenceĪ person may develop a trauma bond because they rely on the abusive person to fulfill emotional needs.įor example, a child relies on their parent or caregiver for love and support. An abused person may turn to the abusive person for comfort when they are hurt, even if the other person was the one who caused it. When someone’s main source of support is also their abuser, a trauma bond can develop. Babies become attached to the parents or caregivers whom they depend on, and adults form attachments to others who provide comfort or support. Humans form attachments as a means of survival. AttachmentĪccording to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, trauma bonds are the result of an unhealthy attachment. Feelings of attachment and dependence can contribute to a trauma bond, as can a pattern of abuse and remorse.
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